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Posted by newamba on June 24, 2010 at 3:03 PM Comments comments (6)

He was a chunky, awkward, and short 15 year old

who wore coke bottle glasses, spoke with a slight lisp

and walked with a gimpy step

due to his left leg being two inches longer than his right


School was not a kind place for him

because of his lisp and awkward walk nearly everyone called him “faggot”


Although he was tormented by the majority of the student body

the jocks gave it to him the worst

when walking...

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Posted by newamba on November 16, 2009 at 11:20 AM Comments comments (3)

I was doing a handstand and watching an exercise video,

when a homosexual teenage vampire on a pogo stick

burst out of a fireplace that doesn’t exist

and hopped out into my living room;


he was shrieking hysterically and just totally fucking with my serenity…


So I grabbed a boomerang from the pouch of my pet kangaroo, Raul,

and threw the boomerang at the vampire, decapitating him instantly

I sighed in relief, think...

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The Baboon Living in my Closet Is Named FRED

Posted by newamba on May 8, 2009 at 1:40 PM Comments comments (9)

There?s a baboon living in my closet

His name is Fred

The voices in my head tell me his name is Steve

But I still call him Fred


The first time I saw him, I got totally freaked out

I was about to leave for my mitten knitting club

and reached into my closet for a Sombrero

and spandex miniskirt to wear

completely unaware a baboon was in there

trying on a pair of fishnet stockings!




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